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Wtf is wrong with you, you FAT SHIT
Can’t you do anything right!
It’s like I’ve lost all sense of control.
I say these things now but ill be snacking my face off tomorrow.
WHERE THE FUCK DID MY CONTROL GO!
I was slapping my face red raw yesterday, crying about how fat I’ve become and then what did I do?! STUFF MY FUCKING FACE WITH A SUBWAY!
Thinking about this has kept me awake. How the fuck will I know if I’m not just gonna carry on! Ill never be happy!
IM SO SAD.
I really fucking hope this will make a difference, this poem.
Why did my body change?
Where has my metabolism gone?
I feel so UGLY!
I’m starting to wear baggy clothes.
I can’t fit into my Jeans and every time I discover this it doesn’t make a difference.
I CANT SAY NO.
It’s like my self control got lost with my ribs.
WHEN WILL THIS END.
Soon enough ill be suicidal.
Right now I’m on the verge of tears.
Whether I should let them out, I don’t know.
I can’t talk to my mum about it; maybe that’s why I can’t diet properly.
Once I eat one thing bad I give myself ‘a day off’ but
EVERY FUCKING DAY IS A DAY OFF.
I couldn’t diet from the start off this fucking month.
Why?
Because I kept on giving myself ridiculous reasons why I don’t have to.
THIS IS SO UNFAIR.
Why couldn’t I just be like the other girls?!
I am now officially over weight?!
WHAT CAN I DO to get my old body back because nothing seems to work!
There we go
“nothing seems to work”
NOW I’m crying.
What’s the point I know I’m just gonna eat my heart out.
I’m not normal anymore.
I’m never happy.
I’m never crying.
I just keep all emotions bottled up and eat them.
IM SOOOO FAT!
I can’t fit into my size 8 clothes anymore.
MY SIZE for MY STRUCTURE.
But all my flab is preventing them to wrap around my structure.
Who can I talk to?
There’s no-one.
I’m so unhappy.
I just want to be normal again.
I wanna be able to see the scar on my lower belly without having to lift it up.
I just wanna be able to breathe in and see my ribs like I used to do.
I wanna be able to look down without another chin greeting me.
Maybe because I know if I get to there I would choose something else to be unhappy about.
Like my hair.
IT’S TOO SHORT.

LOOK!
Or my freckles

SEE!?
Or the fact that whenever I see myself from a side angle I wanna gag.
Why can’t ANYONE help me.
I’m all alone and with MY self control…
I have no hope.


OY VEY!
I can’t say no though. Its one of those occasions that you have to make an exception. Unfortunately everyday for the past four weeks I’ve had an exception to make…
She’s such a clever girl.
Not just academically – she’s very wise.
That’s why I like her.
We can have good intelligent conversations… and still have a laugh!
I wish I went down the road she did.
She wanted to lose Christmas weight too.
Instead of starving off a jean size – i.e. MY idiotic decision.
She did constant aerobic exercise and ate lotsa greens.
I used to be in shock at the amounts she ate.
She said it didn’t matter it was all healthy and carbless.
I just thought it was ridiculous… then again I was only having a bite of fruit a day.
I wish I copied her!
I wouldn’t be in this fucking mess otherwise.
She’s slimmed so much.
Sure I lost all my Christmas weight. But I put it all back on!
Anyway.
Tomorrow is NO exception.
The fast begins.
Properly this time.
And WITH the most dreaded…. Exercise.
Oh...
Just wondering...
Anyone got any tips for exercise?
Well I’m off for a shower.
My dykish hairs getting greasy.
LOVE ALL!
Plz email me. xxx

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